The Stuff Funny is Made of: August 2012

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Exercise might kill me!

I look at people who exercise regularly like other people look at heroin addicts. Most people don't want to get addicted to heroin and give up their time and money to feed a habit. The gleam in the eye of an addict who is jonesing for a fix can be scary. The way junkies go around trying to tell everyone it's not as bad as it looks... everything can be related to exercise. Half the time I want to work out I should not begin my day on facebook because I get exhausted just reading the posts from everyone else who managed to work out before I even woke up. Exercise cost money! There are special outfits to wear, supplies to buy and classes to sign up for! I could end up looking great but be broke. People get ridiculous about being fit and I fear soon I will be aching to work out instead of sitting around watching prime time tv.
Exercising can even have the side effect of eating well! What will happen to my poor child if I stop buying pounds of ice cream and cookies cause I want to be healthy... she will surely rebel when she grows up and feast on all manners of junk food after being deprived while young...
Honestly writing this post has exhausted me... I need to let my fingers rest now... For my own sake I will have to seriously consider if exercise will better my life till then I still have half a box of mint ice cream sandwiches in the freezer.....

I hope they have my size...

Something is fishy here...

I think they follow the smell...

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Life Bits Of Stuff: College Move In Day...

Those of you who live in College Towns might not be able to read this next post...It could bring up PTSD in those who have survived. I live in one such town way up isolated in the mountains. I had prepared all week for move in day... I took off work, went to the grocery store and stocked up on coffee. I needed to ride this wave out without leaving the house.
           Today began much as any day does with my 7 year old waking me up with a heart attack as she tried to steal the Maine Coon cat from my bed. After shooting down a bunch of espresso I was ready to do nothing.... until the power company called and said I had missed a payment and to get it credited as quickly as possible could I go down to the grocery store to pay it. Buzzed on caffiene I told short stuff to get her shoes and out the door we went.
            Upon entering town I crazily said to short stuff "Let's go to Walmart and return that shower head that gives the pitiful water flow!"
             Then we entered HELL. The store was swarming with 1000 college kids trying to look cool somehow in Walmart while wishing their parents weren't too cheap for the Tarjay down the street. They were flanked by one or both frazzled parents who would have gladly fought me over the last shower crutain if I had dared to touch it. I could see credit cards smoking in parents pockets as they grabbed pallets of soda, chips and every kitchen item ever known to man.
             Holding tight to Short stuff I plowed through the crowd muttering to myself "Stupid Stupid Me." Then short stuff looks up at me and says the best thing ever "Don't worry Mommy I won't have to move away to college since we already live where it is!"
               After paying we make our way out to the parking lot to play frogger with cars that are so loaded down they can't see out their back window, of course I can't remember where I parked so I had to rely on my assistant to shout "Look the front of that car is Dirty, Old and Green it must be ours!"
               I peeled out of there nearly taking out the drably dressed rich Connecticut People and earning some birds from the flashy dressed and fake tanned Massachusetts people.
               If you are bringing your kid to school this week please be patient, us townies have to deal with your brats during the next nine months. 0> muffin