Sunday, March 8, 2015

I have about $3.50

Wrap it up I'll take it

Bread crazy

   This whole beard fad has left me a bit confused. Don't get me wrong, I love beards but I feel as though they are being  used incorrectly. 
  When I see a nice thick beard on a man I envision him chopping wood and making me a coffee table that we then make passionate love on. 
  Maybe your fantasy is not as precise but I don't think many people would disagree that a beard speaks of manliness. 
  Is it a deep seated want in our DNA for a strong hunter or just my wish that a guy  could fix my problems as well as he can fix my car. 
  If beards go out of style is that how we will tell the "true men"?
  I've honestly contemplated going around and when a see a man with a great beard, ask him questions like "can you build a house?" "Do you own flannels?" and if they answer no, pull their beard card and make them shave it right then and there. 
  Just a fantasy, I promise. Until beards go out of style though I'll be suspicious until I see a toolbox. 

Friday, January 24, 2014

Keep Beiber safe...even if you hate him...

Please keep Beiber safe....

I fear Justin Beiber dying. It is one of my greatest fears actually. Don't get me wrong I have wished for his death in the past but now things have spun out of control. Anyone not old enough to remember Elvis should go ask their grandparents how it really was. Now we remember him as a legend, but back in his infamy he was adored by young girls and rebels. Parents looked on in dismay while their children wanted to participate in this display of vulgarity and inappropriateness Sound familiar????? Many icons seem to gain legitimacy after death when we only remember the good or even idolize the bad as in the case with Kurt Cobain. His tragic death brought a lot of attention to drug problems faced by many but also caused a sub-culture of youth idolizing his ways. Which brings me to my point, if Justin Beiber dies he may gain legitimacy!!!!! Generations from now people will hang "Beiber Fever" decorations at Christmas that have become collectable along with T-Shirts and ticket stubs. There will be endless years of Tributes and maybe even.. gasp.. Beiber impersonators... oh, the horror.... Due to this I ask everyone to keep Beiber safe and stop wishing him dead. I do not want to live in a future where where my daughter wants to get married by a Beiber look a like.

                                                         *****stuff muffin*****

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Sara's Oddtales #1

Sara and the boy who cried....
    Once upon a time there lived an odd maiden who had golden hair and a twinkle in her nose from a cute little nasal piercing. Sara was dating a nice enough boy named Riley who ran an ice cream shop so he had monkey forearms and always smelled sweet.
    One day the pair found a darling little grey kitten by the side of the road and they quickly took him home. For a couple with no children the act of owning a pet together is the first big step and they felt ready to undertake this journey.
    Unfortunately before they could even name him his eye exploded and the rushed him to the Kitty ER to have his eye removed and the poor kitten treated with antibiotics. Of course they named him One-Eyed Jack and took him home to nurse him to health.
    They couple happily fought for the next couple months with many break-ups in between excellent sex. The sex though was not the only thing that kept the couple together. Every time Sara would tell Riley to leave and go back to his parents he would call her up crying at all times. He would leave voice-mails of him just crying. Had this happened during a time where texting existed I'm sure he would have figured out a way to text crying to her. Sara broke down time and time again taking him back only because she felt sorry for his pain and he was great in bed.
    One day after Sara dropped Mr. Monkey forearms off at his parent's house she had a genius idea! She called Riley's mother up and told her she was sick of her son crying all the time and that she was aware that the his mother hated her she had a plan to make everyone happy. Sara offered up One-Eyed Jack. Riley needed something else to love while he was crying so his mother agreed.
    Finally the calls and voice-mails stopped, battery sales went up at Sara's local drugstore, peace was restored to the city and it worked so well she went on to give two other future men kittens when they would not stop crying.